Glad you stopped by… take a peek inside for a collection of short stories, social commentary, poetry, rants, and excerpts from current projects. Hope you enjoy your time here, check back often for new material and of course feel free to submit any questions or comments…
Author retains all rights to published / posted material – all posts are solely the work of the author
Joe
A J. Castagno short story..
Big Tom’s Smoke Shop had long since succumbed to the move away from high end cigars and pipe tobacco, choosing to hawk instead a vast collection of neon colored flavored vapes and strangely shaped glass “pipes”. The window tint had yellowed under the unblinking Florida sun and silently flickering in the grimy window, a faded neon “open” sign sputtered and blinked out its forlorn message. A collage of stickers from various tobacco and vape companies peeling along the edges covered the double doors – washed out from long exposure to the same sun that had relentlessly attempted to penetrate the floor to ceiling windows. Firmly affixed to the top of the one working door, a small brass bell intended to announce the arrival of any timid soul brave enough to venture into the interior; it hadn’t worked in years not that there had been any substantive traffic to announce.
It had been a long hot summer trying to get healthy, she had cut down to four cancer sticks a day as her mother used to call them… that was winning right, not that there was anyone to ask; trading two packs a day for sweet cherry vape was progress wasn’t it… and it tasted good too. She pushes through the door shivering just a bit as the icy cold air hits her, there is a sweet oily smell in the air – a combination of syrupy sugar and industrial cleaner. The grimy exterior had given way to garishly bright fluorescent lights illuminating the shelves of vape cartridges and bouncing off the glass display cases holding a broad collection of brightly colored glass pipes. She hadn’t been able to find any “Lost Mary”, some man-boy trying to impress her had given her one months ago, he had been sweet but still just a boy… a weakness if she was honest with herself. He had faded, but the taste of that cherry mist hadn’t; only problem is you couldn’t find it anywhere up here; maybe it was just a South Florida thing she mused wandering through the aisle not really paying attention to the myriad of colored boxes.
Josh had watched her stroll through the door, it wasn’t often anyone bothered to patronize Tom’s never mind a woman put together like this one, a combination of ‘90s cool and edgy punk… she seemed young at first glance, but if you looked a little closer you might notice the marks of a life lived, heartbreaks, and hardship… it had smoothed out her natural beauty a bit, but there was something intoxicating as well – the essence of the feminine emanating almost effortlessly from her. He stammers out, “can I help you find something…” She glances up with a wan smile, “Lost Mary?… cherry?” He wasn’t really her type or maybe he was she thinks wondering if she is falling back into bad habits? He was cute no doubt, younger-probably too young with a full beard and a well inked sleeve… what you would expect in here she thinks to herself. She shakes the thought loose noticing that he is standing just a little to close, close enough she can smell the cheap cologne and beard oil he had anointed himself with a little to generously that morning.
He steps back, “actually I think we have a couple over here…” he wanders down the aisle and reaches up pulling down two of the dark pink boxes, “yep two left… forty-eight bucks apiece, pretty expensive… you sure you want them?” She nods contemplating whether to give him her number or not… lately she had sworn off men again, well bad relationships anyway, which of course they all seemed to evolve to at some point. Then came the inevitable recriminations, the feelings of inadequacy, the heartache and tears. It was routine she was all too familiar with, yet she still seemed unable to break the habit. Loneliness has its own demands and more times than not they trumped good sense and knowing better. She places her card on the counter and gives him a smile finding the strength somehow to turn without giving in… progress right? He watches her go wondering what it would be like to have a woman like that, he shakes his head thinking he should have asked for her number as he watches the door close behind her… Lost Mary… cherry flavor he thinks with a grin… damn she was hot.
Another year winding down and it’s almost past time to have completed the rant… Who could have predicted it would be the week before Christmas and I would find myself sitting in a hotel in North Carolina struggling to condense a year’s worth of experiences into a few short pages? It’s rare I find myself ambivalent when it comes to rant material but, the whole SBux and Dunkin’ thing seems a bit tired – which doesn’t mean they aren’t true, cause let’s be honest those are universal and timeless and there’s been plenty of examples again this year… I fear it’s never going to change. I guess I should insert the normal disclaimer here too… every year the audience for this grows and there will be some “first timers” – don’t take yourself to seriously and if something here pricks your conscience or sensitivities well you might want to ask yourself why… understand though it’s probably you not me…
Last year we talked a bit about being vulnerable, opening up to the ones you love and doing this thing called life together… still good advice and this year has been a further exploration of that dynamic. Our family has another generation coming along and will be adding a fifth grandchild in February… boy do we seem a long way from those first rants! I think back on those early days, the struggles, leans times, figuring it out along the way while learning to raise young children – we were still so young ourselves. I sometimes wonder if my kids are having their own rant worthy experiences; part of me hopes so and then again I’ve worked hard to give them an easier path – maybe the measure is they don’t feel the need to write their own rants – they would probably just text it anyway!
I normally keep “work” out of these but, it’s worth mentioning that I went back to work a year ago and that shit continues with no real end in sight; hell, I am even traveling again if you can believe it. As usual I have met some really great folks, made some new friends, and as is always the case have run into some seriously toxic people – they are out there! Oh, if you are wondering which one you are… don’t wonder you know the truth… I’ll be magnanimous though – no names or details; I’ll just smile and raise my glass of wine toasting their inability to be a genuine human. Hurting feelings in the first page – it’s like the old days, how refreshing.
Enough of that though, should we do a rundown of family events or maybe some pontificating on current events – we do have an election coming up and the world is tragic lately; then again when hasn’t it been? Always a matter of perspective, a derivative of where you stand in the continuum of the human experience; does it really affect me or can I simply feign the appropriate emotions while plodding along in much the same way I always have? It’s the fundamental existential question: does it really matter anyway? I think it probably does, but you could forgive the apathy of those that just say “fuck it all anyway…” So, I vote we skip the political and world events section this year, and since my vote is the only one that matters… motion passed unanimously!
So, family updates it is – and we have a few noteworthy ones this year. First off the princess is pregnant with number two! Yes another granddaughter is on the way; and if you know Kiersta then you understand how much she hates being pregnant. Not being a mom, she is a great one, and not having another child just the physical manifestation of actually having a human inhabiting her body… oh boy does she not enjoy that part of it. Annie can’t wait for a little sister though and her excitement is pretty contagious; we are within weeks at this point! Our core four continue their adult journey – jobs, relationships, kids, businesses, new puppies, stolen trucks, chickens and now that I think about it plenty of rant worthy events! The four grands keep growing; gymnastics, horseback riding lessons, piano, dance, soccer, all the activities kids are supposed to do, making parents ask, “what the hell were we thinking!” In quiet moments of retrospection, I often ponder where the time has gone, cliché? Sure, it is, but it’s too easy to trudge through another day assuming they won’t ever end. Having grands as great as mine though is a bit of a cure for the pervading cynicism of growing old. If I was a touch more sarcastic I would be sending out a yearly syrupy letter extolling their exploits… way to ironic even for me.
Couple of experiences really brought this getting old thing home for me this year; my daughter “gifted” me this online “story” activity – you write a weekly chapter recounting experiences from your life and this company compiles it all into a book for you; well not really for you but for those who remain after you sign off – beautiful hardcover with color pics. Two things on this – asking a writer to write a book about his memories is a perilous ask – no seriously. I reluctantly completed it though – all eighty plus chapters and now I am hoping there is a Volume Two somewhere down the road ‘cause geez do they know something I don’t? I am also anticipating at least one “WTF dad…” out of this… and in a few generations… “great, great grandpa was pretty crazy wasn’t he mom?” “That’s what they say honey…” Should be fun!
A few weeks ago, we lost a friend unexpectedly; “Cinnamon” was only about a year older than I am, went in for some routine outpatient surgery… never came home. The details aren’t important, but she left too early – I joined the family at the hospital for an “Honor Walk” – a ritual where the staff line the halls as they wheel the body to the OR for organ harvesting. There is no delicate way to describe this process and although I am glad I did it – I would be happy never doing it again. It was an unexpected and stark reminder of the impermanence of this thing we call life – organ donorship aside… her journey here is over. Apologize if that seems harsh, I am not blind to the huge gift someone will receive and how their life will continue forward and the joy their loved ones will experience… however, the scales are balanced by the magnitude of loss on this side.
I’m sure you’re asking by now… umm we going to RANT anytime soon? Listen both my knees hurt all the time, one of my shoulders only half works, I’m tired, old, and a bit grumpy so how about you calm the fuck down… I’m getting to it!
Here we go – broke down and took a flight this summer for the first time in almost four years; turns out the shit you see on the news is 100% true – people have lost their minds. I am old enough to remember when we knew how to act on an airplane and we didn’t wear our pajamas either. This wasn’t a little trip either – Tampa to Seattle so a solid six hours in the air each way; and unbeknownst to me this was apparently a CDC charter flight to test whether Covid is still transmissible – it is and yes I got it. I am pretty sure it was the woman sitting behind me on the trip home since she coughed literally the entire time; maskless of course and didn’t bother covering her mouth. I’ve got a great pic of her spewing spike proteins directly on me… Tammy swears you can’t contract it that quickly, but I’m pretty sure I was part of a horrible and involuntary science experiment. I’m not in a hurry to interact with the traveling public again anytime soon and even more reticent to get on a plane again – if you’re traveling; try acting like a normal, responsible and respectful human… it’s not that hard.
This air travel experience informed my decision to drive to my client in North Carolina recently… not interested in revisiting Covid again; having said that I can confirm stupid is not confined to those flying, but alive and well on our interstates. Now I’m not a drive 10 miles under the limit in the left lane guy, but I’m also not a ride your ass at 90MPH in the rain idiot, but those guys are out there and there seems to be an inordinate number of them in the Carolinas… just saying. And by the way, who doesn’t understand the universal merge rules? We take turns one from each side – it’s a system that actually works if you aren’t say a cantankerous entitled old guy in Jacksonville – he was ridiculous, but not quite brave enough to put his Mercedes at risk – I was willing to sacrifice the Kia though! I did feel bad for the young couple from Wisconsin that was completely traumatized by the Florida interstate scene; the man was nearly in tears trying to merge that U-Haul he was driving – he made the mistake of trying to be polite in a state that has never embraced that concept – they are going to love it here!
Maybe I’m just out of practice, it’s true I haven’t really traveled since early 2020, but I just don’t remember it being as insane as it is. Seems to me we have suffered a degree of systemic trauma – a loss of grace and collective patience – did all that social isolation leave a permanent stain on us? The pandemic has been declared over for now, assuming you believed in it to start with; but many folks never returned to an office, to the socialization of spending time face to face, working shoulder to shoulder (literally) and it shows. This is not a new theme for me and a bit of self-introspection is probably in order; is this my new reality or has it always been this way, but I am now just noticing? Did I change, get older, develop a greater sensitivity to these abrasions or has something really changed – my guess is probably a little of both.
For myself I am working hard to develop a greater self-awareness in these situations, making more of an effort to foster positive personal interactions, reduce the tendency to have an immediate negative reaction to these triggers. If you find yourself in similar circumstances rise above, stay the course, and remember time is moving quick enough as it is… no need to waste any energy on this type of nonsense – we all have better things to do with the time allotted to us. Unless you are in my drive thru being entitled and taking up way more of my time than is reasonable… which means order off the damn menu or go inside – just can’t fix stupid!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends none of us know the length of our journey… but is definitely worth the trip, so stay in the light…
Joe
An unexpected interruption…
How do you prepare for the unexpected? You don’t, and that’s really the point, isn’t it?
The last Friday in April of 2022, I was working to help put the final touches on a merger/acquisition plan; I was in a SVP slot at one of the forward-thinking genomics firms focused on changing the trajectory of modern medicine. On Monday May 2, I found myself, along with other employees, a casualty of the transaction.
If you have worked professionally for any amount of time you can probably relate to the cascading emotions caused by these “interruptions” – disbelief, fear, perhaps even anger. Yet this story ends with hope – a new model of approaching job loss that surprisingly came about, in part, thanks to COVID-19. I share this story in hopes that it will help others.
Not the first interruption
In 2003 I was an up-and-coming director at WebMD Practice Services. On the cusp of turning forty, I felt impervious, with all the trappings of a six-figure salary and a cool title. It was Monday October 20th 2003, and I found “The Package” on my desk when I sat down with my coffee. To be honest, I don’t remember exactly how the rest of day went, but I do remember the emotions. I remember driving around, unsure of what to do, how to explain to my wife and four kids and mostly questioning myself. What had I done wrong? Wasn’t I good enough?
All I accomplished, beyond some emotional processing, was using up a tank of gas… there weren’t any magical answers out there, and even though I wasn’t the only “interrupted” that day, I sure felt alone – there were no social networks to lean into, no personal email accounts or cell phones to call.
The Solo-entrepreneur
I decided to hang my own shingle as an independent consultant. It was incredibly hard to switch from a mid-level exec with direct deposit and benefits to convincing companies to write me a check for “good” advice. Yet over the subsequent sixteen years I built a successful consulting firm, learned to lean on friends and family and had amazing projects with outstanding people supporting some excellent companies and health systems.
Back to corporate, and a virtual way of being
In late 2019, I plunged back into the corporate world as a SVP at a genomics firm. I built a team of highly skilled and motivated folks – possibly the best team I’ve ever led. Six months later, we were in the middle of a pandemic – time to pivot. We learned how to operate virtually, and there were new levels of collaboration and teaming. We struggled with home and work balance, prayed no-one got sick and worried when we did.
Covid, as difficult as it was, forced us to grow together virtually, to learn to communicate differently, and taught us to solve problems no one could have anticipated.
The second interruption, and a new way forward
It’s May 2022… the merger has spawned an interruption none of us predicted. It’s different this time, and then again, it’s the same; the same feelings of anxiety, hurt, helplessness, and anger. The difference is the creative problem-solving and resilience we learned during the Pandemic. We’ve utilized technology to find each other, and face this together. Folks in disparate departments, titles, skillsets and geographies, some of us have worked together, many of us haven’t, but we are sharing this interruption.
The pandemic lessons are paying unexpected dividends
Make no mistake there have been tears, hurt feelings, and plenty of “what next” and “why did this happen?” Yet shared trauma, the need to heal, to move forward and to transition to a new reality, has bound this group of people together in a way even more potent than sharing the same employer and mission did. In the first twenty-four hours, a virtual community was deployed, folks started connecting, sharing resources and opportunities. But more than anything, nobody felt alone and we were looking forward, not backward.
“And so began the mental roller-coaster: AM green smoothie and workout; PM devoured a double bacon cheeseburger and whimpered under blankets. My solace every day that gets me out of bed – strength in numbers. We’re capitalizing on our collective wisdom.”
NH, Interrupted Director
“As this was my first time going through a corporate restructuring, I’m glad I had a great group of people to lean on and to learn from. I love the group we’ve built, where we’re talking about difficult emotions that a reorganization like this can bring, and there’s no shame behind it. They help make this big event in anyone’s life seem like it’s only an (unexpected) interruption.”
JJ – Interrupted Doc Writer
“…At first, I was shocked, followed by feelings of inadequacies, superseded by anger. I stopped to think and realized that these were not just my emotions, but this was the collective “we are all going through this together”. I am invigorated with a new perspective and prepared to meet those challenges all ‘With a little help from my friends.’”
MP – Interrupted IT Admin / Developer
“This job-loss experience compared to a similar one in 2002, but couldn’t be more different. In 2002, I processed every feeling alone and had no idea who would respond to my outreach and when. This current experience is cathartic, inspiring, and instantly social. Some of it is the access to collaborative tools; the bigger piece is a level of resourcefulness, collectively learned accomplishments, and empathy for one another developed through the Pandemic that is driving us to help each other.”
JH – Interrupted Director
“Watching teammates mobilize quickly to utilize social media and the tools we used in our work lives, for our own selves, was so enlightening and refreshing. Staying structured and accountable to each other really makes a difference. For me the connection and bonding are what helps the most…”
MA – Interrupted Sr. Business Analyst
As a group, we believe it’s important to share this experience, and lessons we have learned:
If you’re “interrupted” find, or create a community of people that are facing the same challenges you are.
It’s never “just business”, it’s also personal; respect that feeling.
Band together:
For my part I’ve come to realize I don’t have to be on a project or leading a team to provide leadership, guidance and mentoring – in this space and time I find it even more important and rewarding to shoulder that mantle.
It’s in the darkest hours that the filament binding us together burns the brightest… stay in the light…
Joe Castagno
SVP of the Interrupted
2010 Castagno Rant
This is one of those years that really challenge me; I mean where to even start on this rant? I could wax nostalgic about the triumphs and accomplishments of my progeny, the trials and tribulations of having three boys in college, or would you rather a litany of professional accomplishments? It matters not where we start, in the end we will still be right where we are. I know what you’re thinking… “oh good mercy here we go again…” but really aren’t you used to this by now?
Well let’s get those pesky kids out of the way first, even though none of them really qualify as kids anymore and never mind that they keep multiplying; and no nobody knocked anyone up… well as far as I know anyway. But it turns out there is this program that assists folks that don’t have enough teenage drama in their lives to actually import teenagers from all over the world to live in their home. Yes foreign exchange students provide this much needed angst with a really cool accent. I highly recommend this to anyone that doesn’t have acid reflux, need a root canal; have kidney stones or some other chronically obnoxious condition. Oh by the way, if you are truly blessed with peace and happiness I suggest getting two of them at once… no really its so much better. Just so you completely understand I have three 16-year-old daughters this year all speaking a different language! Yes Dad loves his three girls, so much so I’ve been working in Chicago since September… I kid I kid, that’s not why I’m in Chicago.
I have to be honest I am having a difficult time believing how quickly this year passed. So much so that I am weeks behind on this rant. The Castagno kids are all well, Chris has graduated college with a degree in Finance; which you would think qualifies him to manage his finances, but do not be misled my friends. Seriously though he is working in the billing business with me and doing a fine job. He recently began working full-time, which of course qualifies him for a title and business cards. I am thinking about making him the Director of Spending Time in the Trenches; might be a bit long for a business card though. Most importantly though is he is great with the clients, especially the older ARNPs those ladies really seem to love him… I am not asking too many questions at this point.
Cory is the comeback kid sporting a 4.0 at UF in political science this semester and is also working on a minor in sociology. I think that will qualify him to be an ultra liberal Senator from California. And you know that makes Dad a very happy man. Seriously though he is really doing great and beginning the process of looking at masters programs to continue on and on and on… I am sure somewhere down the line is a PhD and a great many more tuition payments. I have never met anyone better at making a dollar last than this young man he has honed it into an art form. Only person I know that has completed a 10 day road trip from Florida to New Orleans, the “whiskey trail” and Savannah on $24.72. Of course he claims his “two girlfriends” insisted on taking care of everything…. Hmm.
And then there is my Kyle… what to say about Kyle! He moved out of the house this year and struck out on his own, first order of business: no haircut since last spring. A cross between Hiawatha and Fabio quite the combo believe me. Still playing his instruments and making music… his favorite song lately seems to be, Dad can I come over for dinner? He is working though and making his own way and it’s all very good. He claims he is attending USF full time, but I haven’t seen a grade in two years and have no idea what he is studying. I think it has something to do with indigenous people, the Peace Corps, and a woman from Ohio; and not necessarily in that order either. He has embraced the Native American side of his heritage and made a real effort to achieve an appreciation and respect for the culture and way of life. I have always believed understanding where we came from helps us understand where we are going.
As for the princess, she started driving this year and almost made it to 2011 without an accident. Fortunately no one was hurt and no traffic ticket, so all in all not too bad. It is hard to believe she has grown into a young woman. She walked past me out to her car the other day, purse on her shoulder, cell phone at her ear and I am thinking to myself, who is this young woman in my house. I am proud of the adult she is becoming but it is difficult for a father to see his little girl making her own way. We are starting the college search one more time and before I know it she will be striking out on her own as well. As most of you know she is an exceptional soccer player and is having another outstanding year, even if she likes to frustrate her father by acting as if she would rather be somewhere else. And don’t get me started on the boy friends let’s just say that they have to meet with me and her brothers; although I think she enjoys torturing them with the “Dad talk”.
On the work side of the coin things are busier and more interesting these days then they have been in a number of years. This may be the most fun I have had since first breaking into healthcare tech some 20 plus years ago… frightening that it’s been that long. Seriously though, with the renewed focus on bringing technology into the physician clinical space this business has become interesting again. Of course that has put me back on the “road” after a five year break, now I am busy consulting on enterprise wide EMR implementations, but it sure seems to make a difference when you are working for yourself. Of course flying today is a bit different. Lets just say if you’re a big guy like me, taking your belt off in a security line has become a weekly adventure, never mind trying to get it back on while grabbing your shoes, jacket and brief case and getting out of the way of some young professional that doesn’t realize he is only a few blinks of an eye away from being the “old guy”. Of course I do enjoy a little payback when he is in the middle seat next to me playing games on his IPhone and daintily sipping his Starbucks. I have spent a lot of years preaching the business benefits of the PC over those ultra hip Apple computers, I mean only graphics guys and musicians use those things and neither one of those is a real job right? Well I hate to admit it but I am writing this on my new MacBook Air and it’s freaking awesome. I am thinking about getting a pair of sandals and growing a ponytail this year also. And who knows maybe I’ll go GREEN and buy a hybrid Lincoln Town Car… do they even make one of those? Oh wait a sec I’ve almost cleared the second level of Angry Birds on my IPod Touch I’ll be right back… I am just kidding I went with the Nano it’s a bit easier to hide.
As for Tammy and I we have spent this year planning for the next year, well at least for the party anyway. It will be twenty-five years of marriage this February. Hard to believe and if you follow the statistics even harder to do! It is interesting when you begin to reach milestones that represent half or more than half of your life. First thing I realized is it’s getting significantly harder to deny that I am getting old. Second thing that struck me is damn the scoping is just around the freaking corner. Actually, the first thing I thought about is how amazing it is with the myriad of things that can tear a relationship apart two kids figured it out and managed to grow up along the way raising a family through the tough times and the good times. We have been blessed with great friends, more opportunities than a person probably deserves and the strength and patience to put up with each other. I remember watching my girl walk down the aisle of a little country church in South Carolina on a cold night 25 years ago, 20 years old and wondering what the hell I was doing. Scared, excited, and feeling like a schoolboy after his first real kiss; twenty-five years later I see my Tammy and still feel the same way. Come celebrate the adventure of the last 25 years with us on February 26th in Florida if you have the opportunity. My friends I wish you the best of all things in 2011 and I’ll try to be on time this year!
2011 CASTAGNO RANT
Honestly I had great intentions this year of getting started on this rant early, working it, reshaping it, making it special for all of you… Well not really, the reality is that for the most part this is a selfish undertaking allowing me to reflect on the past year, smile, cry, and laugh at a host of memories; but probably more than that it is a reminder of how truly fortunate I am. So let’s fire up some Etta James on the iPod, pour a little single malt and see if we can fit all this into a few pages…
I struggle with where to even start describing the exploits of the Castagno Clan this year; to say it’s been eventful doesn’t really begin to tell the tale. From the Chicago snowpocalypse to Cory graduating from UF with honors this past weekend we have managed to fill another year with the full spectrum of experiences and emotions. I usually jump right in with the kids, but this year Tammy and I celebrated our 25th anniversary so let me start there. We decided a serious party was in order and Tammy invited 350 of her closest friends; I mean our closest friends. It was quite a party and if you weren’t there don’t miss the next one. There are days I can’t remember what made me wander out of the wilderness into this woman’s love but I know I am home and there is a peace and warmth that is beyond simple explanation and understanding. The chaos that is life strives to overwhelm us, but I cherish the moments we escape into our own private world enjoying a simple touch or look. Those of you with someone to love know of what I speak and those of you that don’t my wish is that you find that someone soon.
With only our daughter left in high school we are rapidly approaching the empty nest, or we would be if Chris had not moved back in, but more on that later. Kiersta has had quite a year and the older she gets the more of her mother’s good looks she displays, unfortunately these seem to be mirrored by an equally large portion of dad’s opinionated attitude. Quite a delightful combination for dear old dad I can tell you. She continues to shine as a soccer player and is even considering playing at the college level in spite of a couple of really nasty collisions and one fairly serious concussion at the end of last season and just to prove she is well rounded she was elected to the homecoming court this year. Don’t worry she wore a beautiful dress with her neon green “chucks”. She is tough as they come though and does not know the meaning of quit. Kiersta also has a passion for American Sign Language (ASL) and wants to be a professional interpreter when she graduates college. She does a wonderful job signing for our church and just has a real desire within in her to help people. As is probably the case with most dads and teenage daughters we do not see eye to eye on everything which I suppose is better than not seeing eye to eye on anything. Never the less we have always had a unique bond that I am counting on to see us through.
As I mentioned Cory graduated this December with honors from the University of Florida with a degree in political science. I somehow imagined that this would lead to a fervent search for a job maybe in DC or working for some think tank somewhere. Not sure what I was thinking though, he was only too happy to tell me that exploring new fields through the lens of his current degree was what really intrigued him. Apparently this is the educated way to say “hell no I’m not getting a job I’m going to pursue a Masters Degree”. Well no matter he always seems to find a way to make things work out the way he wants them too. There is no telling where he will end up though so don’t be too surprised if he is knocking on your door one evening. I was reflecting on the journey this young man has already undertaken in his young life and I know his experiences although harrowing have made him a stronger and more resilient man and needless to say I am very proud of him.
Kyle continues his exploration of Native American culture and his Mohawk heritage learning from his aunt and elders that have allowed him to sip from the deep wells of their knowledge. Kyle makes an annual pilgrimage every summer to his aunts where he spends time learning, working, visiting the Mohawk Valley and developing his understanding of life’s path. He has a few years of college left and continues to pursue his music as well. Kyle has lived with diabetes for about 6 years now and has to learn a great deal about life and himself in that time. He understands more clearly than his peers what his own mortality means and although outwardly he displays a happy go lucky attitude it takes great courage for a young person to face an incurable life threatening disease everyday. He is stronger than he thinks he is and I know he will overcome all his challenges and go on to do great things.
Chris has been out of college for a year and working in the business with me. He is learning all the things they either don’t tell you in college or lie about. He is catching on though and does a great job even when he thinks the old man is crazy cause why on earth would any one do it that way! Mostly because I am old and that’s how we do it; seriously though he brings a fresh energy and perspective that I appreciate. I don’t know why he keeps measuring my office though, I’ll have to keep my eye out for a coup d’ état. For those of you with kids graduating from college I can confirm that they do indeed move home… and they are universally stunned when you encourage them to pay rent; “I mean really dad how am I supposed to save any money?” Although hope is on the horizon as Chris proposed to his long time girlfriend Tara and the marriage is already being planned. You know what this means… yes the inevitable grandchildren. This of course leads to the ridiculous discussion of what these future grandchildren will be calling Tammy and I. She is leaning toward “grammy” I have settled on Mr. Castagno or Sir; I’m not holding out much hope however.
THE 2012 CASTAGNO RANT
So it’s Saturday morning and I find myself sitting in my office drinking coffee and wandering through the year trying to remember everything I am supposed include in this year’s RANT. It turns out the longer I do this the more people feel the need to suggest content… Well after careful and thoughtful, consideration I am going to write whatever the hell I want… as usual. Oh and let me get this done up front: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Blessed whatever other holiday you might be celebrating… and I am also duly impressed and amazed at the accomplishments of your children this year and can’t believe all the wonderful things you guys achieved and places you traveled… it is truly a marvel.
Hmmm did that come off a bit too sarcastic and snarky? Excellent I was worried we had completely lost the reason we started doing this rant in the first place. I read the last few years’ worth of RANTS and I was coming dangerously close to sentimental. You see my friends it isn’t that I don’t love and appreciate you, because you know I do; it’s just that sometimes you have to explore the other side of things to really understand how very fortunate you are. By the way hang on cause we have a ridiculous amount to cover. I really thought this year would quite a bit simpler and quieter. I mean with Kiersta graduating high school and going off to college, the boys all grown up now, well I thought I might actually get my man cave setup, the house would be quieter and Tammy and I could start having some time to ourselves… Well things didn’t quite work out that way, but more on that later.
First a few brief business related observations, if we haven’t worked together, or if you are not in healthcare feel free to skip this paragraph. Let me say that I now have firsthand knowledge of how bad it sucks to be the customer and not the software vendor… and I just hope I never cared as little as my current vendor does. Turns out, yelling is still a fairly inefficient way to get a clearinghouse to properly process claims. It is easier to be good friends than it is business partners… and I recommend erring on the side of friendship in these cases. No matter how bad you think it is, implementing an EMR is worse.
Now on to politics… never mind I can’t talk about any of these people, it’s gone beyond ridiculousness with their “cliffs”, X per centers, and all the other nonsense they surround themselves with. Hey, it’s time to stop telling all of us how much you care and actually do something. And one final note for my Republican friends… hitting the Taco Bell drive through doesn’t count as substantive interaction with the Hispanic community, just saying. All right enough of that, we all know what a mess things are.
I count myself fortunate today, my grown children will all be home for Christmas, we will eat too much, laugh at each other, maybe cry a bit, sit around the fire listening to the boys strum guitar, catch up on stories, dream about the future, tease Kiersta’s boyfriend, and celebrate the simple joy of being together. I hesitate to even mention the insanity of the past week’s events in Connecticut simply because there is nothing to be said that will bring any real context or understanding. I can’t pretend to know what those parents are experiencing, the anguish they can’t escape… but I know how much I love my children and just the thought of it, well there really aren’t any words are there? I look back over the year through this prism and I am thankful for the silly frustrations, the challenges, the struggles and triumphs if for no other reason than we were able to have them.
Did I mention my princess graduated high school this year with honors and started college? She is pursuing a five-year program leading to a masters degree in ESE (exceptional education) with a focus on deaf education. She also played her first season of college soccer. Proud of her is an understatement, and with a new boyfriend I don’t want to shoot, what’s not to like! Seriously, though he is a nice young man that obviously had no idea what he was in for when he started dating a Castagno. The day he told her brothers that sometimes he could get a little “sassy” I knew it was on. Because you know the Castagno boys can be unmerciful when given the opportunity. I can deal with it though, yes he has a bunch of different colors in his hair and plays in a rock band, but then again he has a job is respectful and seems to really care for my daughter. They use the “L” word but I just can’t bring myself to do it. My baby is growing up and becoming a young woman, it’s a bittersweet thing for a dad, but she still gives me big hugs and knows how to work me for gas money. She is planning a trip to Kenya this coming summer to work with an orphanage there, I am like don’t we have those here? She is a bit stubborn though, I think she gets that from her mother.
This has been an interesting and I think probably overall the most encouraging year for Kyle in quite a while. Following in his big brother’s footsteps Kyle took some time this year to re-evaluate his college experience. Figure it out that’s as much as I am going to say about it. This precipitated a move back home and some pretty serious soul searching. Kyle recommended we get some family counseling, I appreciated his concern, because it was pretty clear to him that we needed help adjusting to having him back home. Interestingly enough though I think this time to reflect may be just what he needed. He was able to take a job at our local high school mentoring an autistic student and has done a really great job with this young man. Revisiting high school from a different perspective has awakened a desire in him to be a teacher. I believe he will make a great educator and fully support his plan to go back to school and pursue this. I hear they have a great program at whatever university it is that Cory pursues his masters at. What? No that’s not mean you just need to re-read paragraph 2. I wonder if they’ll get an apartment that allows cats? Hmm one can dream.
Speaking of cats… Cory moved to the Miami area where his gal Crystal is working hard to support him in the way he is accustomed to. However he abandoned his cat with us, so with Kyle’s cat that makes to evil felines in my house. Actually, Cory works for me and does a great job when he isn’t starting community gardens, volunteering in the local food bank or working on some other sustainability project. It is his passion though and he is applying to Portland State and University of Washington to pursue a Masters in Urban Design & Planning. So if I understand that correctly there will be a great deal more urban areas in the future, but they will look really cool and no doubt be somewhat if not completely sustainable. I am sure he is rolling his eyes at me already, seriously though, I can’t wait to see where he goes so I can start planning my visits to the Northwest.
I guess that leaves Christopher, this young man took the plunge this year marrying his sweetheart in October. So the Castagno clan has added a new member, Tara. Now normally I might be inclined to give these two a break in the rant, but what fun would that be. One of the major positives to come out of this wedding is I was able to reclaim my “man-cave” when Chris moved out! Oh good mercy, I am just kidding, well not about the “man-cave”. Now Tara is an opinionated Yankee and on the surface that might seem like a problem, but in reality she fits right in with the rest of us. Now if I could just get her to eat something besides hamburgers, chicken, or shrimp fried rice all would be well. Oh did I mention she is a kindergarten teacher… can you even imagine? No me either. They are so adorable together it honestly makes me a bit nauseous, I’m kidding of course, but the whole possibility of being a grandfather kind of freaks me out. Chris has survived another year working with me and is learning what is like to manage employees, clients, vendors, and the myriad of tasks I throw at him on a daily basis. Fact is he is such a good-natured young man that he does it all without complaint and will one day have his own great success.
There are so many others that play a part in our family it is impossible to mention all things and everyone, but we have had two constants over the years Ashley and Yarni, they are as much a part of this family as any of my biologicals (as Ashley would say). They are both adults now and leading their own lives, but they still call, stop by, and make me feel loved and appreciated and for that I am grateful. I am sure it is just my own sentimentality, but it means a great deal to me that they continue to value our relationship. Now no rant, or least no current rant would be complete without some mention of exchange students… No we don’t host anymore, but that doesn’t mean we don’t continue to maintain these relationships. I have received a few hand written letters from my girls in Italy and South Korea this year and the love and sweetness they expressed is just beautiful. Their letters remind me that there is something truly valuable about a handwritten note or letter, the time, energy, purpose and commitment it represents humbles me. I love my Germans also, although I seem to be doing a great deal of German homework this year, just kidding I don’t mind and it’s a reminder of the good times we shared.
Well I have run into three pages making this is longer than most of the college essays I am writing for Kiersta these days. Tammy and I are great, she simply refuses to age running marathons and climbing buildings and I continue to “gray” out. One health note, Tammy was diagnosed with diabetes this year, so we are 50/50 now. It hasn’t slowed her down a bit and I am sure the only downside is I will now be eating even healthier than before. Oh quick explanation on the pictures this year; apparently there is this TV show about ducks, or duck calls, or guys that like ducks or some such nonsense anyway any resemblance is purely coincidental. I am hoping to make some real progress on a couple stories I am writing this year so stay tuned for that. In the meantime remember diets are dangerous, running is for people that can’t drive and gas will always be cheaper the day after you fill up, so hug the ones you love, ignore the ones you don’t, and the rest will take care of itself.
The 2013 Castagno Rant
Good Lord 2013… I don’t even know what to do with that… I think I started these sometime around ’99, but it seems like yesterday and after reading a few of the older ones I am stunned at how far we have all come and yet there are a multitude of experiences and routines apparently on a perpetual cycle repeating year after year as if time makes no imprint on them. Interesting thing about that, at least for me, is the fantasy that there is all the time we will ever need for whatever we need it for… I mean what’s the rush after all? Anyway you didn’t stop by for some convoluted conversation about the passing of time or the timelessness of the human experience… you are here for the RANT and so you shall have it my friends…
I have noticed over the past few years that there hasn’t been any actual ranting per se` in these so I have decided to open with a short collection of my favorite rants… oh yes you get bullet points this year…
Ahhh I feel better already, now on to the good stuff! As you are aware on occasion I have been known to indulge in a bit of shall we say sarcasm, and my dear wife has been quick to point out that some people, namely my children, could possibly get their feelings hurt by the sarcastic turn of a phrase. However, I raised these hooligans and I am pretty sure they give as good as they get and besides anyone willing to raise a finger and wish you a Happy F’ing Holidays is pretty much asking for it anyway. Now just so none of them feels singled out as the “first” one I’ll happily start with myself, I have been on the road for most of this year working a consulting gig in central PA and although I have met and worked with some excellent folks up here I have to tell you this place is a culinary wasteland, I mean I’m actually losing weight! Never mind that I noticed pretty much immediately that the Three Mile Island nuclear plant is right next to the airport, disconcerting is the word you’re searching for. Last week the hotel clerk greeted me with “welcome home Mr. Castagno” what a smartass. Of course that was the same week the girl at the Hertz counter told me the convertible Mustang was great for picking up girls… I mean seriously is there anyway to rationalize that? Ill take the Camry thank you very much. I have found that not everyone from Boston is a…, well you know, in fact I now have some good friends from there, but they still talk funny and in a small bit of trivia for you; it turns out the height of the Green Monster is exactly ten feet higher than number of World Championships the Yanks have won (27) hmm… Finally, getting some writing done and although I don’t see an end in sight I am having a good time and all is well with Joe.
Well Christopher stills works for me and is hoping my consulting lasts another couple of years at least. Apparently I am a much more lenient boss from half a dozen states away. I am glad to see him working diligently though, I mean every young person should be willing to put in 60+ hours a week… got to pay your dues. He and his lovely wife bought their first home this year, cute little place with a pool. I find debt makes him work harder so I was fully supportive, besides it’s got a pool and you know how I love a pool. Tara is still teaching school, she must be blessed with the patience of Job, cause I know I couldn’t do it day in and day out. They are like an old married couple, I think Tammy and I will be like that one day, oh wait we are.
Cory made the big move this year leaving his beach bum existence and moving out to Seattle where he is pursuing a Masters in Urban Planning & Design at the University of Washington. Proud of him to say the least, and scored his own scholarships and funding… yep you guessed it the boy protected my wallet! However, I have been out twice to visit and he has an unhealthy obsession with walking everywhere, now normally this wouldn’t seem like a big deal however, you can’t go anywhere in Seattle without walking up a hill, not cool but a great town. We also made a quick trek up to Vancouver BC, great trip, but I think he may have put my name on the Canadian watch list, I guess if you have to be detained Canada is the place to do it, but that’s another story. I know he has Mr. Kitty to keep him company but I am sure he can’t wait for his girl Crystal to make her way out there.
I was going to save Kyle for last, but we seem to have inadvertently fallen into a pattern here. Kyle continues to work at the local high school mentoring autistic students, they love him and he is excellent with them. Of course we are on year two of the temporarily moving home saga, its obvious we have different interpretations of what “a little while” means. He has a few really good friends that probably should be paying rent as much as they are camped at the house, yes Everett I mean you. He continues to search for his next stop, a place he can pursue his music and art, while figuring the rest out. I am sure he will find what he is looking for, but I wish he would quit playing that U2 tune over and over again… Bottom line is Kyle always knows where home is… even if Tammy does turn that room into an exercise studio.
I guess that leaves the princess, and what do you say about the princess. The young woman continues to amaze and frustrate me, as is her way. Carrying about 18 or so hours a semester and doing great, combined with this crazy idea that she wants to get married. Talk about conflicted, hey that’s a legit southern phrase, leave it alone. So my brilliant idea was you can’t get married until you graduate, well at this rate I am already trying to negotiate an extension. As if that wasn’t bad enough she now wants to get married in Italy, how I am supposed say no to that? Daughters! Well I love this one even if she is a smart aleck and wants to marry some tatted up Christian rocker hobbit (see above). Sorry Jon, but that’s all you get this year, tell some stories around the fire pit and I’ll see what I can do for 2014.
Tammy and I have decided to just grow old together, which is great or I would have to start renting that damn Mustang every week. Seriously though the older our kids get and the bigger our family seems to grow the more time it leaves for us and it turns out we have been really good friends for a long time. I don’t usually incorporate anything I have already written or posted somewhere else, but I’ll make an exception this time since it seems to speak to this realization. Anyway I found myself watching a lot of the Kennedy assassination documentaries last month and penned some thoughts.
So I find myself trying to sort through how I felt about all of it… I feel inundated with the 24-hour news cycle, the intransigence of our current political environment, and what appears to be a growing apathy in our younger generations. It’s at this moment I catch a glimpse of Jackie at the top of the stairs as they begin to disembark at Love Field, there is that infectious smile, the grace, the style and maybe just a hint of wistfulness and I wonder what’s the lesson there? Did they make time for each other that morning, share a cup of coffee, a laugh, a tender moment, anything? Was it all noise, schedules, and rushing to do this and get there? And for that matter how many of us spend our lives the same way scurrying about as if we really did have all the time in the world? It would only be a matter of minutes really, a fleeting moment in a lifetime before all those possibilities would be extinguished. Its impossible to know of course what small talk they shared, did he squeeze her hand as he waved to the crowd, did they share a final look… There are no real answers I guess and maybe the small questions of one couple’s intimate relationship doesn’t compare with the bigger issues of the day, but then again doesn’t it all really just come down to the ones we love and how we choose to treat each other?
Well I guess in the end you get the “rant” and the convoluted conversation about the timelessness of the human experience; have a wonderful holiday my friends and invest wisely in those relationships that feed your spirit and being, they are all that really matter after all.
THE 2014 CASTAGNO RANT
I am simply overwhelmed by the sheer volume of hopes, fears, successes, failures, dare I say the veritable tsunami of experiences that life has gifted me with this year. Oh no worries there will be plenty of ranting along the way as well, but there is quite a rich tapestry of life’s little moments to cover; and you my friends get to tag along for the ride, oh yes revel in the unadulterated joy that is the RANT.
A wee bit of housekeeping before we get underway my friends, first of all if you are new to the RANT pour yourself a glass of whatever beverage suits you personally I lean toward a good bourbon but it’s up to you, relax and don’t take yourself or anything here to seriously, you’ll just get your feelings hurt or sensibilities bruised and we wouldn’t want that now would we? Actually, we don’t give a damn, that’s pretty much your problem since we warned you up front… Second and just as importantly some of this is probably going to seem familiar, almost like there was some website where you could virtually stalk people you know and keep up with every scintillating moment of their otherwise mundane lives. Hmmm somebody should program a site like that… seriously though there is no way to offset the scourge that is the devil’s harem: Facebook, Snap Chat, Instagram, and Twitter. So, you have a choice, be an ass and say to yourself “well I already knew that” or simply enjoy this exceptionally well written regurgitation, don’t make me draw you a picture. Other than that, here we go I’ll try not to meander too much, but you know it just is what it is…
Usually, I go family member by family member but I can’t bring myself to be so formulaic this year and you have grown used to that so time for a change. Let’s start with some scary words: CANCER, INSULIN, DIABETES, MOVING OUT, 3OTH CLASS REUNION, ILLNESS, and ZOMBIES. Actually, that last one is just to make sure you are paying attention. We have had our fair share of challenges this year and I want to get them out of the way early here. Now fair share seems a bit odd when dealing with that list, but the reality is in spite of some very scary moments we count ourselves blessed and truly understand that there are those struggling with much greater burdens than ours, possibly yourself included.
If you don’t have diabetes, and I really hope you don’t, it’s hard to understand the daily struggle this disease represents, the constant management of your blood sugar, taking insulin shots sometimes many times a day and trying to watch what you eat are all a constant stress. Fifty percent of our family is struggling through this, there are no time outs, no vacations, no breaks to catch your breath its everyday all day all the time. The very industry built around feeding human beings is structured in a way that will simply kill the diabetic that isn’t vigilant about what they consume, we consider this not cool and well just plain rude honestly.
Combine this daily struggle with the terrifying news you have CANCER, yes the C word. If you are a sufferer, survivor or have a relative, friend, anyone really that has struggled with this disease you can begin to understand the absolute terror that is waiting just beyond your capacity to stay positive. Tammy faced this battle this fall, she didn’t blink, she didn’t back down and she was so much braver than I was. Words like courage and determination do not begin to describe the unquenchable spirit of those fighting this battle, don’t believe me ask her about the “slurpee straw” looking catheter they stuck in her side for two weeks. I just stood back while she looked me in the eye and said, “don’t worry honey I got this…” what more is there to say.
Oh, don’t worry I am not nearly done, but understand my friends these are life’s challenges they are the darkness between those wondrous points of light that burn that much more brightly in our memories. My dear daughter has had a challenging year as well chasing a yet undiagnosed illness through the corridors of modern medicine’s diagnostic torture chamber. The reality is that at this point we know what she doesn’t have and in many ways that’s a positive thing but it doesn’t bring her any relief and it’s difficult to stay upbeat when you have no answers. Yet she soldiers on into her third year of college with a 4.0 and 20 credit hour semesters, I try to encourage her hiding my shame at not being able to fix this for her, but she just looks at me and says, “don’t worry Daddy I got this” …
My youngest son (Kyle) has struck out on his own this year, he didn’t just move out he moved way the hell out. He was bound for Seattle this spring determined to make a new start and figure out this thing we keep referring to called “life”, all the while managing that diabetes thing I mentioned earlier. I am delighted for him I truly am, but he is a long way from home and I know that it can be hard on the outside. It’s a tough lesson to learn that this world doesn’t owe you anything and isn’t concerned with your well being, so I oscillate between pride and worry and you know what he tells me, “don’t worry pops I got this” … I have no response they humble me.
Now listen if I have to tell you why a 30th class reunion is scary well then you can just stop reading right now cause its obvious you have not been paying attention to my transition into “grumpy old man” status over the past few years or you are way to young to understand. It’s become the running joke with the kids, hmmm when did Dad get to be such a grumpy old man… probably about the time they started asking me take care of whatever the emergency of the day is!
I know what you are thinking, “what the hell kind of depressing rant crap is this? I came here for sarcasm, cynicism, witty repertoire or at least hit me with some of that cliché bright points of light nonsense you mentioned earlier geez!” Settle down now, top off your glass and we will get right to it.
I have had two, well make it three, actually it’s probably more like… never mind let’s just stick with three irritations this year. I mean these just really get under my skin; you can laugh these off if you want but deep down you know I am right.
• STARBUCKS… and this is the problem, I probably hit SBux a few, okay 4 or 5 times a week and it’s always something be it the chatty overly excited and happy barista, seriously I don’t care just make my coffee, or the Prius driving eco warrior in the drive thru ordering the double shot half decaf soy latte with extra foam and 2 raw sugars and oh please make that exactly 137 degrees please. I wish I was kidding; first of all, that’s not even a coffee anymore, the raw sugar was probably harvested by some of the poorest people in the world exploited by some huge conglomerate and for the love of God your tongue can’t tell it was only 124 degrees… so next time go the hell inside. And what about those skinny tie wearing hipsters taking all the chairs; just because you put a tie on and are surfing the internet does not mean you are working get over yourself, I did more work driving over here than you’ll do this week. One last thing, what the hell is up with the green stick plug thing, I’ve got at least 60 of them in my car, its like some cruel joke, “here is your coffee I put a green stick thing in there so you can’t sip it right away”, what sadist thought that crap up and oh my little eco warrior its plastic are you cool with that cause I think it melts at about 130 degrees.
• Texting while you are driving… First let me say if you do this just stop, no really just stop, or if you must get a phone that lets you do it hands free with speech to text, otherwise pull over. I could probably overlook this if these folks were riding in the right lane and there was no traffic, not totally cool but hey it’s your life, but they are all doing 90 and weaving through traffic. I used to think this was strictly a young person thing but anymore it seems like no one is immune to the lure of the text. I sometimes wonder what happened to us, I don’t remember ever being bored in the car while driving there was always something to look at, think about, or God forbid someone sitting next to me to talk to. So here is the deal a single text message takes about 5 seconds of undivided attention at 55MPH that’s like driving a football field blindfolded… hmmm that’s one message, let’s hope they don’t reply. So, in an attempt to be just as obnoxious I pretend to fall asleep at the wheel as I go by… problem with this is I am sure they just texted someone about the old fat guy falling asleep at the wheel… a better strategy when I have Tammy with me I have her take a picture of them, the flash seems to draw their attention lol. Needless to say, most people don’t seem to appreciate it, especially the cops although I haven’t been pulled over yet, I guess they are too busy texting.
• Facebook… now I freely admit that I use FB like many of you and enjoy the periodic updates on family, life’s happenings, some great pics, tear jerking videos, etc. etc., but seriously if you are updating 142 times a day you need to step back from the keyboard, maybe go to Starbucks and get that double shot, soy, extra foam, caramel, mocha blah blah blah, and take the Prius its good for the environment. So, okay where’s the real irritation here, well simply put its dessert, yes dessert… I mean have you seen the pictures of all things sweet that get posted everyday? Sweet baby Jesus people I am a diabetic I practically have to take a shot just reading these recipes and God forbid you post a play by play of you consuming one of these marvelous creations, its just mean, no really it hurts, seriously not kidding. Another thing, please for the love of God stop asking me to play these ridiculous games, I don’t care about your points, and look your not a real farmer stop it, just stop it I worry about you.
So, there you have it my short and abbreviated list of irritations, not bad really when you think about it. Of course, the family is like well Dad if that’s all you have to be irritated about why are you so “grumpy” all the time… Don’t make me open the list back up…
So let me bring you up to speed on some exceptionally cool things that filled the rest of our year, I promise no simpering, syrupy, cotton candied nonsense about how wonderful my kids are or what spectacular achievements they have… I mean seriously they’re my kids its a bit rhetorical isn’t it?
So, our fist big adventure this year was a camping trip, choke on your drink did you? No, I’m serious Tammy had this great idea for the two of us to go camping with two other families… just a weekend trip nothing big and close to home. My idea of camping is the Hilton executive suite, so lets just be clear up front about this, and by the way there are no kids up there. So, picture this, it’s Florida in February so it’s high 70s, raining, and 100% humidity and there are count them 7 kids under the age of 15 including an infant. Stop you’ll give yourself a hernia, its at this point that I begin muttering a phrase taught to me by one of my dear friends a pixie blond from Virginia that could curse like a sailor… yes Kimberly H. I am talking about you and you know exactly what phrase I am talking about. Well other than not sleeping for two days, mostly cause that baby wouldn’t stop crying, and to be honest I was right there with him, it wasn’t so bad. Well, that’s not really true the tribe of kids ate all the food by the end of the first day, so I figured revenge was in order. I headed out early the next morning in search of the perfect payback… praise the Lord the sign is lit up, yep Hot Krispy Kreme donuts! Three dozen hot and please kids stuff your faces, eat as many as you want, yes even you my baby buddy. Now that you are all sugared up go have fun with mom and dad I’ll be napping in my truck. Let me say, never and I mean never again.
So not an illustrious start to the year, but I recovered nicely taking Tammy on a spring break trip to Seattle to spend some time with Cory, we don’t get to see him nearly enough. He showed us the campus at UW including where he works and spends what seems like 20+ hours a day. He will graduate this coming summer and I know that there is no limit to what this young man will accomplish. Fantastic trip though with great weather, I don’t know what everyone out there is talking about it never seems to rain when we visit, maybe we should go camping. As a bonus we were able to spend time with a long-lost buddy Jay Ray from my high school days in South Carolina… this by the way completely negated the need for attendance at aforementioned reunion. See Jay Ray was one of the few back then that didn’t seem to mind hanging out with a Yankee, Catholic, and a bit “too tan” Italian kid. But the really cool part of this trip, I mean other than walking up hill everywhere, was watching Cory get his very long hair cut off, a very hip look, not hipster mind you that would be umm different but very cool.
It was shortly after our return from Seattle that Kyle mentioned he was definitely leaning toward moving to Seattle to get started on “things”. What things were never clearly defined but things that needed starting on were definitely on the agenda, sometime here in the near future. Well, I guess I was taking that way too literally, because I bought him a one-‐way ticket for three weeks later (no reason not to get the discounted rate). Hey I was just trying to be supportive, apparently our interpretation of “near future” was not quite the same, probably cause I am so old and… wait for it… grumpy. Anyway, I may have jumped the gun a bit, but he was a good sport finally packing his room up the night before the flight and heading out to start life’s adventure. Of course, my wisdom was once again demonstrated, he had a great summer meeting some folks and deciding to enroll in school for the fall the semester. Let’s just say thank God that worked out or momma bear would not have been happy with me.
Without question our biggest adventure this year was a trip out West, Tammy and I started in New Mexico spending a few days with my sister and her family. We headed out from there driving through the mountain states, picking Kiersta up in Salt Lake City then a weekend stop in Missoula MT so Tammy and Kiersta could quench their thirst for pain and suffering by running the marathon there. Then it was off to Glacier National followed by an overnight train ride to Seattle to catch up with the boys.
I could try to describe the majesty of places like Ship Rock jutting up from the New Mexico desert floor, or maybe the wildflower meadows of Echo Basin Colorado glowing in the setting sun or the arches and petroglyphs of Utah. Words can’t do any of them justice, how do you convey the magic of glowing double rainbows against the peaks of Idaho or the immensity of the Grand Tetons glowing in morning sunlight? We gazed in wordless wonder at the hot springs of Yellowstone, and unashamedly caught our breath as the geysers reached toward the sky. When you strip out the commercialism and find the natural beauty of this country you can begin to have a small understanding why the Native Americans treasure the “medicine” this earth represents and unless you are completely asleep you begin to realize the overwhelming responsibility we have to preserve it.
It was cloudless night sometime after midnight somewhere between Yellowstone and Bozeman there was a chill in the air and we were following a mountain stream down toward the prairies of Montana, I pulled over shutting the car down I had to just drink it in. As the girls slept in the car I leaned against that guardrail listening to the music of that mountain stream, I smelled the purity of those tall pines, felt the gentle breeze from somewhere higher up still holding the chill of melting snow caps my friends I was lifted up and I could have stayed in that moment forever; in fact, I carry it with me now. It matters not what your religion is or who or what you call “God”… moments like this replenish your spirit; I hope you find time to enjoy some of your own.
This was a great trip, Glacier National is worth your time and unbelievably picturesque, and I can tell you if you have some weird overwhelming urge to do a marathon the one in Missoula is pretty cool. We had the best pancakes, I mean the best ever, at a little place in Idaho Falls, ice cream in every little town that had a homemade ice cream shop, and believe me they are everywhere! We brought this trip to a close with an Amtrak ride through the Cascades into Seattle. No, the sleeper car is not comfortable if you are a “well rounded” individual the girls were fine however. It was great to see the boys and catch up with Kyle’s progress. The long flight home brought to a close what was a whirlwind couple of weeks, but a truly memorable trip and the first time Tammy and I have taken a solo vacation in a long time.
Now about this time you are probably wondering, hey doesn’t he have another son Christopher? Well as it turns out I do, and no I haven’t forgotten about the “beard”. I have to tell you this thing is pretty incredible although I am not sure where the red tint comes from… momma is my guess. He also has this humidor big enough to store a body in, its pretty unbelievable and the boy knows more about cigars than I could ever try to learn. For me one of the sweetest things in my life is watching Chris and Tara together, they just fit like a well-‐worn t-‐shirt, comfortable and with enough personality to be interesting. I try not to brag on my kids, their efforts and character should speak for itself, but Chris’ hard work and commitment to our business has been a real testament to his work ethic. I told Chris I was leaving for a couple of weeks this summer taking his mother on a trip, he didn’t flinch, he didn’t ask why, didn’t question me, no he just said, “Cool Dad, don’t worry I got this…”
So, my friends as we close this one down and head into a new one I hope it’s been a good one and the next one is an even better one, and remember… “don’t worry you got this”.
2015 CASTAGNO RANT
Wow, I just re-read last year’s RANT, that was awesome, now I am bit intimidated, by myself no less… but I’ll try to keep you somewhat entertained. As most of you know this isn’t a true chronological retrospective on the year and I also tend to meander through the things that either had an impact on me, or for some reason I think are entertaining. In the early days, as one would expect, these rants would develop around the antics of my loveable offspring over the course of a year. In fact the very first rant was inspired by those insipid holiday letters people feel the need to send letting you know how great there life is and all the marvelous things their children accomplished over the course of a year. Tammy and I would look at each other and just shake our heads, “how were we ever going to be good enough to keep up?” And then it struck me, what a bunch of nonsense, we were going to send a real letter out telling everyone the sarcastic, unvarnished truth of what raising kids was like, the wins and losses, the struggles and triumphs, you know the “real” stuff. I have been writing that holiday letter for about 20 years, we no longer deal with the day to day of raising young children but even as adults they are no less loveable and there hasn’t been any significant reduction in antics. However, they have somewhat “aged out” of the annual holiday letter format, in fact I am surprised that at least one of them hasn’t started their own 2ndgeneration rant.
So in an effort to remain relevant I turned to that historical tome we all now use to document the turns of our daily lives… yes Face Book, and before I get started what is up with the constantly posting other peoples quotes and writings? Does no one out there have anything of their own they would like to say? Anyway, I was looking back through some pictures from the last year apparently I can sum this up pretty quickly: I turned 50, I bitched incessantly about pretty much everything, spent a great deal of time in coffee drive-thrus, I cooked a hellacious amount of really great looking food, and I have a new granddaughter that has pretty much dominated the 2nd half of my year. I am going to save the new kid for later cause well just cause I feel like it actually. So I had to brew a cup of hot tea (I must be getting old) and ponder things a bit, cause there had to be more to the last year than just that. Turns out quite a bit more happened.
So as is usual in life you spend your days at some self defined level of comfort punctuated by a series of highs and lows or at least it seems that way. We started the year off with an opportunity to review the ICU of one of our local hospitals when my dearest Tammy had an episode of DKA or diabetic ketoacidosis which I am not going to take the time to define here, you can Google it if you need details, but in short dehydration led to an imbalance in her electrolytes and welcome to the ER. So you must be thinking well nothing light hearted and uplifting about this… and well you’re right about that. However, once past the scare and under treatment we had an opportunity to see a health system really working on patient engagement, it was refreshing, and apparently they are letting 15 year olds be nurses these days, cause everyone taking care of her seemed like a really young person… which of course in the hospital is just the reminder I need — uh you’re OLD. Fun fact number two: all of the pharma you need is significantly cheaper in Canada, this according to the website her physician provided. All I can say is thank God for halfway decent insurance coverage because that bill was obscene proving that reform may be underway but there is still plenty to do.
It was shortly after this that I started a new consulting gig in of all places South Florida… amazing I have been consulting for about eleven years or so since “leaving” WebMD and I always seem to end up somewhere cold in the dead of winter! Not this time though, hooked up with some fine folks from Alabama needing help within a couple of hours of home, doesn’t get better than that. Of course there were a few side trips to rural Georgia, but I’m not going to let that, “steal my joy,” as Tammy likes to say. Besides who doesn’t enjoy hearing, “yer not from round here boy are ya?” from your friendly local policeman every once in awhile… of course followed by that classic southern phrase, “y’all come back now, ya hear.” Hell they probably told General Sherman the same thing, they didn’t mean it then and they still don’t mean it. Now before all my rebel friends get riled up, you know I love ya, hell I even make a mean biscuit and my girl is Carolina through and through so settle down now.
In the midst of all this fun we headed out to Seattle to celebrate Cory’s graduation from the University of Washington. Apparently a Masters Degree in Urban Planning and Design means he can plan out cities and such now… That young man is a smart one. We had a great trip though even if it seemed much too short. It was an opportunity to catch up with Kyle as well, and spend some much-needed time with our West coast boys. Besides you know how I love walking up and up (there is no down in Seattle) all those Seattle hills. This trip was also proof that loyalty programs actually do have some value, I have been using Hertz for years and have more points than I can count, well I check in and they are all out of cars, turns out it was graduation weekend and they may have slightly underestimated demand. Short version, manager comes out, ignores all the well dressed genteel travelers that have made the mistake of booking through some third party and hands me the keys to the biggest damn Jaguar I have ever seen sitting out front. This is all I have he says, bring it back in one piece, not bad for $39 bucks a day and needless to say we drove the hell out of that car, I mean it was a rental after all…
So it was about this time that my daughter’s fiancé lets us know he is postponing the wedding so he can go back to college for a degree in Behavioral Healthcare, (I hope this isn’t in hopes of me behaving) anyway the upcoming wedding date has been pushed back till December 2016 post graduation. So I’m like “see you doubters, prayer does work”… oh lighten up I am kidding. Anyway definitely left enough time for some pre-marital counseling, no not for them for me, apparently I’m not quite ready for this yet even with the delay, and you should see the list of restrictions on what I can say during my “Father of the Bride” toast, geez no fun at all. More on this later, well probably not, I don’t want to get too sidetracked.
So we are headed into July and its hot, well I know it’s Florida of course it’s hot, and I am feeling bad for my daughter-in-law cause well, no real polite way to say this, she has put on a bit of weight. Hey she is pregnant it happens calm down already. The whole family is on pins and needles this is the first of the next generation of Castagnos, a big deal to say the least. We welcomed Liliana on July 29th and maybe this is just grandpa speaking, but she is perfect. Now of course Christopher and Tara are excellent parents, they have the most modern technology at their disposal, you can Google just about any baby question you have and get an experts advice. Definitely a different world from when we brought our twin bundles home. I am of course immediately “breaking” most of the “rules” that have been established for today’s parents and I am admittedly gleeful about it. The “Beard” is not amused… but then dear old dad has to remind him to lighten up he turned out just fine and no real lasting harm came to any of his siblings either. This is also about the time I started posting almost daily pics of me and the kiddo to FB, apparently they don’t limit the number of perfect baby pictures you can post.
I am halfway through my year already and I realize that there is just no way to capture the granular detail of our lives in a way that is consumable in just a few pages and even though I understand it I still chafe a bit at the limitation. For instance I have met some really cool people this year adding them to my circle, I also had the opportunity to have a monthly column published in a local magazine, and I even purchased a new really nice Ford pickup. Funny thing about those last two, the publisher of the mag pulled my column when I refused to do “fluff” pieces on our little town and Tammy seems to have kidnapped my truck! Some things haven’t changed though; I still have huge issues with the Starbucks drive thru – well at least the idiots in front of me and there seems to be no abatement in the texting and driving epidemic. There is no way to cover it all so I am left to pick and choose what amounts to a short list of hi-lites, I hope you’ll forgive the missing pieces.
I am blaming my daughter, but she and I are coaching an under 14 girls competitive soccer team this fall. Ahh memories of yesteryear, the days when she was the player and dear old dad was the coach. Well let me just tell you there is nothing nostalgic about fifteen 13-year-old girls three times a week! Holy shit, I now completely understand how people convince themselves to have another child, it wasn’t that bad was it? Umm yes it was… but okay I am being a bit dramatic, they are a good bunch of kids, not good soccer players mind you, but good kids and Kiersta is really an excellent coach and I certainly couldn’t do it without her. I really enjoy the time with her, and it’s a chance to teach another group of kids this great game, so I guess it’s worth the pain in the ass – grumpy old man I know.
Why is it that when we head into the fall time seems to pick up speed and we crash headlong into the end of the year? This October was my fiftieth and let me just say thank God my dear wife actually finally listened to me and did not do a blow out party. I have been anti birthday party since my youngest memories, not sure why just never really enjoyed the fanfare of it all, and certainly didn’t want to see any black balloons or ridiculous gravestone signs in my yard this year. Besides fifty is year of the “–oscopy” and there is just no positive way to spin that. Topping it off my baby girl (ok she is 21) moved into her own place that weekend. It’s a really cool apartment and she has made it just beautiful, but I admittedly miss her. I am sure there are many positives about being empty nesters, but this old man has some adjusting to do first. Oh and let’s not forget those bastards at AARP… yeah my invitation arrived perfectly on my birthday, way to rub it in. So go right ahead… grumpy old man, its okay I am embracing it.
Thanksgiving followed shortly after bringing our Seattle boys home, plus Kyle’s sweet girlfriend Danielle, a Lacrosse playing imp that makes him smile, and that makes me smile. Thanksgiving always means the family picture, I think this year’s was pretty good, but it’s going to be tough to top the “mafia family” pic from last year, but no worries we are already working on something special for next year. So now with Christmas just around the corner we are all gathered together again, and I wonder what does the future hold for these precious people I love so much, for it seems just moments ago I asked a freckle faced country girl to marry me and we started down this path, I can look back and see the years stretch behind me, but it’s what’s beyond the next curve that really piques my curiosity. I look forward to seeing all of you somewhere along the way, may you have the very best of what you wish for in this coming year.
The 2016 Castagno Rant
A late start this year, normally I begin procrastinating around Thanksgiving and finally give in sometime in December… but no someone had to schedule a mid December wedding throwing off all my well-laid plans. So here we are on Christmas Eve and I’m decidedly distracted by an unbelievable view of the Colorado back range and the fact that at 9000 feet there is 6.1% less oxygen to breathe! So my gasping for air is a pretty clear indication that the Everest trip is off, everything I read says the body acclimates itself to the altitude – mine just keeps repeating F’off so not sure what that means.
Anyway, plenty to cover this year – I figure I am either going to offend everyone, or perfectly thread the needle on this one. If things go awry keep telling your self he has hypoxia he couldn’t have meant to write that.
This was a year of transitions for us, on a personal level I transitioned from writing stuff to writer with the publication of “Jake”. If you haven’t read it well what are you waiting for? Amazon has your copy ready to go – I know shameless plug. More importantly though: Tammy and I finally downsized and bought what she likes to call “our forever home” honestly forever doesn’t seem as long as it used to; funny how your children moving into their adult lives will do that to you. But we have our little home that is perfect for the two of us and it was a chance to simplify our lives a bit and we couldn’t be happier. I can see how moving into that next phase where it’s just the two of you again might be a bit disconcerting and a tough adjustment but I think for us its a chance to remember the happy family times and celebrate the obstacles overcome. When you take an account of those years raising a family and all the challenges it entails, well it’s pretty amazing what you accomplished together or in some cases in spite of each other. We are discovering that those experiences forged a bond that is the foundation of a beautiful friendship.
When my children were young or even teenagers I always had plenty of material for the middle section of the RANT, now that they are growing up it’s a bit more difficult. Proximity is not the issue we are all still very close even if not geographically, but the days of chronicling their misadventures don’t seem to fit anymore. That doesn’t mean we haven’t had a couple of major happenings this year; Kiersta was married a short two weeks ago – more on that later, and Kyle graduated as a LMT (massage therapist) this fall – very proud of him. It was a tough program but he did a great job and I can vouch for his skills. The twins turned twenty-eight this year which in many ways seems inconceivable to me, but they are grown men pursuing the things they love. Christopher has started a cigar business in his free time, which I don’t give him very much of. He and Tara are also wonderful parents and the Lilibug is growing up before our eyes, of course she is a daddy’s girl and sure does love her PaPa… as is appropriate. Cory continues to pursue his art and writing and has really honed his carpentry skills this year. Some of his projects are truly amazing he has a real designers eye coupled with the ability to transform that vision into a completed project. Up side for me… a really cool new deck!
So where is the RANT you might be asking, this all seems real swell if not just a tad mundane. Well we can definitely tune it up for you if that’s what you want, I mean we did have an election this year and you may not have noticed but there is a huge protest going on in North Dakota (NODAPL). Both “rantable” subjects…
So let’s talk about this election… Ha not going to happen here, but let me say this if you were friends before the election then it stands to reason you should be friends after. Does it really make any sense to let the political ranting of either side drive us apart? I don’t think so, and that doesn’t mean we don’t all stick to our principles and positions, but it does mean we understand that our relationships need to transcend our differences. Personally I am awaiting a return to the well-honed apathy we all seemed to have between election cycles… hmm was that sarcasm? I have been called naive for believing there are some very basic fundamental desires that should be uniting us and if we can find a way to build on those things we have in common there is nothing we can’t overcome. Sure it’s idealistic maybe even unrealistic but I am unwilling to sink into the cynicism and hopelessness that says we cannot solve our problems and build a better society – we have to find the path together.
Now as to the situation we have in North Dakota – I know there a variety of opinions on this as well. We can focus on whether you believe the pipeline folks or the Native Americans and my guess is you could accumulate a huge amount of data to support either side… lets not. As many of you know my sister Bettina has made a three trips to the camp and is passionate about this cause so in many ways this is personal for me. I am including an excerpt from an earlier writing because I believe it captures most accurately how I feel about this: There are a number of disturbing pictures coming out of this conflict and one of the things I find most difficult to absorb is the blatant militarization of a domestic police force. I have heard all the arguments about “arming” up to combat the gangs, drug cartels, terror cells etc… and I get all that – but the reality is this has become the status quo the first response posture not the posture of last resort.
And so I am disturbed, uncomfortable, and distraught by this because you may think it’s just about a bunch of Native Americans and some river far away from where you live but you are seriously missing the point. You may believe that capitalism rules and this pipeline is good for America and what’s the big deal? You are seriously missing the point. You may even discount the potential ecological issues or dangers, but again you are seriously missing the point. Quite possibly you don’t believe in “sacred places” or spiritual things or the sovereignty of the Native tribes, but you know what? You are seriously missing the point…
Because at the end of the day as important as all of those things actually are, whether or not you believe and support them the real point is that this is how minority opposition is dealt with in today’s America. This is what it will look like Christians when they come for your Bibles; this is what it will look like environmentalists when you stand in the way of corporate progress, this is what it will look like 99%ers when you blockade Wall Street, this is what you can expect college students when you finally protest the ridiculous tuition increases you suffer under, or the average American that decides we shouldn’t attend the next war the corporate world throws for us.
This is not about Democrats or Republicans – Liberals or Conservatives this is about the calculated suppression and intimidation of our individual freedom and liberty and our right to free speech. It’s not about individual police officers or National Guardsmen forced to stand these lines because they need to feed their families too. Its about a broken system that has come to believe this level of response is not only okay but required – it’s about an apathetic American public that stands by and says well that’s disturbing but its not me so I’m going to sit this one out.
I don’t have any answers, I am not an alarmist, I don’t subscribe to an “evil government “ conspiracy theory, I am not anti-establishment per se – I just believe we as a people need to carefully consider what we allow to become acceptable practice in our country; collectively – together blind to race, creed, color, and ethnicity one in our resolute spirit and our advocacy for each other and this nation we call home.
That may have been a little longer than you were expecting but this is a rant after all… and I believe we are in a time of transition and our success depends on all of us not on the false narrative of a fractured society wed to the belief structures of their individual factions.
I am sure that more than a few of you are like, “what the hell…” where is the Starbucks line rant or maybe the Millennial safe spaces diatribe… Believe me those are alive and well in fact I’m thinking about publishing a series of essays titled “Don’t be that F’ing Person”. Here are some topics I’m working on:
But believe me we don’t have the time or space to explore all of these, you will just have to stay tuned for the published version…
I have left this last topic till the end, mostly because it’s still pretty fresh and although I am committed to my daughter’s happiness I am still wrapping my head around her being married. Kiersta and Jonathan were married on the 10th just a few weeks ago it was a beautiful ceremony on a perfect day surrounded by friends and family – everything you would want a wedding to be. There was plenty of tears, laughter and sometimes both together, but all in all I think it was the perfect day she had wished for. Now that the tumult has died down, the frustration of preparation has subsided and I have had some time to absorb the enormity of it all I realize that this is just another moment of transition. Life is continuing its inevitable march and I have no power to interrupt its steady cadence I can only control the quality of my effort and existence. Everything else will be what it will be…
So let’s put a wrap on this my friends, it has been another year filled with all those ups and downs that make our existence so intensely sweet. Embrace all of it for this is what we have and how and what we do with it is up to each one of us. Wishing you and yours best part of your hopes and dreams.
Musings 