Fitbit – Unnecessary Steps…

As many of you are no doubt aware I have been actively participating, not voluntarily mind you, in a vigorous morning work out of “Sock Yoga.” Now I am not going to go into any detail on the whole Yoga thing let’s just say it’s a forced participation event based on a condition I like to refer to as “Big Guyism” some irreverent and well downright disrespectful people add “Old” to that, really an unnecessary cheap shot in my book, but there you have it. Anyway, just when I felt like I was starting to make some progress on this front I noticed a lot of folks are wearing these little “Fit Bit” bracelets, what evil spirit from the fiery depths of hell thought this little invention up?

To be truthful I only noticed them after finding a number of people in my hotel lobby walking in circles around eleven thirty one night muttering about not making it to ten thousand steps. Clearly I was not going to inquire about anything to do with steps never mind ten fucking thousand of them, but then I find out both my wife and daughter have come under the spell of this demonic device. Certainly clears up the running around the house just before midnight mystery. Well after a little investigation apparently ten thousand steps represents five miles and some fool’s idea of what you should be walking every day in order to stay healthy; hell I won’t drive five miles unless there is pasta at the end of that journey or some enormous coffee drive thru line – but that’s another rant. Turns out this phenomenon has spread beyond just these little bracelets and is now embedded in our cell phones, of course right?  So I notice my new LG, which I really like by the way, has been tracking my steps over the past two weeks, and apparently I am not living up to it’s expectations. Yes you guessed it, it’s been grading me and I am not passing this particular test, I just wonder who the hell it’s texting this data to, probably my insurance carrier, another heartless “do gooder” that won’t get off my ass.

So you know where this going don’t you… the next generation of these damn things is going to wake your fat ass up so you can get an earlier start on achieving your “steps.” And I’m sure there will be some “motivation app” that yells at you to get your fat ass moving if you are falling behind. I’m just waiting for my phone to call so it can update me on what a lazy fat guy I am, won’t that be just fucking great? I am not giving into the pressure though, I set a new personal record of 3,432 steps the other day, however I am pretty sure playing drums on the steering wheel definitely confuses my phone and added at least 1,123 “steps” imagine how relieved I was.

Stay strong my friends don’t let the technology beat us…

About the Author

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Born in Manhattan in 1965 Joseph Castagno is the son of a second generation Italian American father. His mother’s family were mixed heritage people: Indigenous Haudenosaunee, French, some of the earliest Dutch settlers of the Hudson Valley. Growing up with such a multicultural heritage provided him with a view of both the immigrant experience, a perspective on the founding principles and ideals of the United States as well as the original teachings and ways of Northeastern Indigenous people. Having lived all over the United States Joseph has a broad perspective on US society and the variety of social values and customs that make up this great country. He currently resides in Florida with his wife Tammy, having raised four children they are now enjoying their grandchildren. Joseph has always had a passion for reading and writing and has published a number of articles in local papers and magazines. After a long career in healthcare he published his first novel “Jake” in 2016 drawing on his experiences and observations living in the Southeast and Florida. His current novel “Traffic” has just been published and he is currently working on his next novel and spoiling his granddaughters!

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