The Coffee Rant…

Now here is the thing about going on a “Rant” there is always someone that gets his or her feelings just a tiny little bit hurt. So let me say right up front, that is not the intent of this rant, in fact you should definitely consider this more in the style of say a “Public Service Announcement” (PSA) and if you still think maybe just maybe this hits a little too close to home than by all means feel free to take it to heart, the rest of us are rooting for you!

The coffee drive-thru is a unique animal; not at all like the “fast food” drive-thru. For one it’s a beverage, not food, not a meal, no combos, it’s coffee. Count on it being busy in the morning, most people need that caffeine fix as they start their day… interestingly enough it’s pretty busy at night as well… the night-walkers need their caffeine too apparently. So the question I keep asking myself is… why oh why do we insist on acting like the coffee drive-thru is a fast food drive thru? We sit staring at the menu board searching for food, any kind of food? These are coffee shops they don’t do food trust me, donuts or pastry maybe; you can make the case these are coffee’s natural allies, but even that’s a stretch, just accept it, they do coffee.

Seems simple doesn’t it, well you would think so, but no the coffee drive-thru has become a chronic source of “road rage” as our orders grow and grow! We have two major coffee chains: Dunkin & Starbucks – so pick your favorite be it the Donut one or the Seattle one it honestly makes no difference.

Let’s deal with Dunkin first, some quick pointers for you: if you want to order a dozen and need to know what color sprinkles they have… GO INSIDE, no really this is not appropriately handled at the drive-thru and second they do coffee, regular real coffee, not special coffee, not Seattle style secret menu coffee, so order it black, with cream only, or regular which at the donut place means cream and sugar.  Your best bet here is to keep it simple and keep that line moving!

Now let’s say you are in your Prius at Starbucks and you need that double half caff, soy, half caramel, half mocha latte made upside down, do the rest of us espresso fiends a favor and GO INSIDE, and by the way I am not sure that’s even coffee anymore. There is a reason you don’t see that on the drive-thru menu… it takes too long! And for the love of God don’t go ordering one of those multi-colored swirly frozen things – they are out of them anyway, you missed it. I want you to be happy though so use one of the many parking spots, go inside, look at the pretty cups, listen to the hipster tunes, and your friendly super chatty barista will make you that special drink, and the rest of us will happily parade through the drive-thru ordering our $5 cups of coffee.

Folks it’s just common sense and courtesy for that matter, keep it simple in the coffee line and head over to the arches or the red headed little girl if you’re hungry.

About the Author

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Born in Manhattan in 1965 Joseph Castagno is the son of a second generation Italian American father. His mother’s family were mixed heritage people: Indigenous Haudenosaunee, French, some of the earliest Dutch settlers of the Hudson Valley. Growing up with such a multicultural heritage provided him with a view of both the immigrant experience, a perspective on the founding principles and ideals of the United States as well as the original teachings and ways of Northeastern Indigenous people. Having lived all over the United States Joseph has a broad perspective on US society and the variety of social values and customs that make up this great country. He currently resides in Florida with his wife Tammy, having raised four children they are now enjoying their grandchildren. Joseph has always had a passion for reading and writing and has published a number of articles in local papers and magazines. After a long career in healthcare he published his first novel “Jake” in 2016 drawing on his experiences and observations living in the Southeast and Florida. His current novel “Traffic” has just been published and he is currently working on his next novel and spoiling his granddaughters!

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